so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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