I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
