i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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