I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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