i barfeds in our rink
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
