Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
