I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
