you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
