we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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