I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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