I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
