I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
