I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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