i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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