I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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