i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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