Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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