I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
