she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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