honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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