I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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