But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dignity is for republicans.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
