you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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