just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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