I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
