every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
