stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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