You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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