I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
