Yo dont text me then not text me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
