it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
