Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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