just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
