Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
