She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
