Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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