guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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