Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
