Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
