I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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