I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
