I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
