last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
