hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
