I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
