Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
