My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
