Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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