Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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