So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
