honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
