Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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